looking for my happiness ( fri of wk 44)

jy: i am on my way to my better future and happiness... on the way of looking for the jinyan that is happy everyday, like to laugh like crazy, very cheerful, never so so grumpy de lor..

i really miss and lost the jinyan le... i seem so stress.. i am angry, i got attitude problem, i curse and swear, i complain like hell.. i am really living miserable lor... i had become someone that i dun even know.. i dun like myself.. i hated myself.. i think i am useless.. i am low self- esteem.. i thought i am in a MOTIVATIONAL company??? why like tat??i really need to make up my mind.. i think i really need to take risk le...

actually i thing i am really piss off le, to the max, i think everyone is fake, i lost all my patience lor... haha... i am struck in nowhere lor.. i cant go back and look for IT job cos i leave school too long and it is hard lor... i cant possible work as Admin lor.. it will bring me to nowhere.. so i think i really need to upgrade myself lor.. if i continue to drag.. i will not go study de and i will lost interest then if i wan to wait till i save money then i think i can forget abt it le...

so my plan:

i want to quickly quit my this stupid and hateful job, look for a better one.. becos i am holding on to 1 job, it is hard to get another as most company dun really wan to wait.. some more i am not even given the chance to go for interview lor... so i wan to leave this place asap lor... cos i am going crazy and i wan to die le... i really need to leave le... to a better place and look for the jinyan that i lost lor.. i really hope she can come back...

i will look for job after i quit lor... if can find full time then work lor.. if not work part time lor.. need to wait for Uni application to open lor.. which is next year.. i know is not so soon but i really cant stand working here le...

i just wan a better environment and i really hated this company lor...

had talk to my mum and bro.. bro support me but mum say ask me to ask sis and brother in law lor... let wait and see.. actually thnking of going to resign next monday de... i wan to see how the company die lor.. anyway i dun think got alot of difference ba.. i am ot that impt too.. just a lowly paid clerk... i think i am really really under- paid lor... haiz... am i a poly grad?? haiz... sianz lor.. but celine ask me to submit when i got this month pay as she say once i submit then they will keep delay my pay lor..tjose previous that quit.. waited 4 months for the pay lor.. wTF rite.. damn it lor.. really bad leh... haiz.. so have to wait again... but i wan the resignation to be before my bday.. i wan to look forward for my bday.. i wan to enjoy lor.. haiz.. how leh?? i think it will be the best birthday present lor... jinyan please come back ok...

hope can make a decision really soon lor.. i really hope that everything will goes smoothly for me lor.. all the stupid and idiot xiao ren... go away lor..

always tell yrself..tml is a brand new day ^@^